How to Actually Relax in Front of a Camera
How to Actually Relax in Front of a Camera
From a photographer who hates it too
The irony is not lost on me.
I spend my days behind the lens, guiding people into moments of honesty and connection. Yet the moment a camera turns toward me, my shoulders lock, my smile tightens, and I start mentally cataloging every perceived flaw.
If you’re reading this, you probably recognize that feeling. Most of my Bay Area portrait clients do.
What if I look awkward?
What if this doesn’t feel like me?
The best photographs don’t happen when you’re relaxed.
They happen when you’re present.
The Moment That Changed Everything
Last year, my partner surprised me with a couples session. I panicked—not because I didn’t want the photos, but because I know how powerfully a camera can amplify discomfort.
For the first twenty minutes, I performed. I smiled on cue. I adjusted angles. I did everything I tell my clients not to do.
“Forget the camera. Tell them about the first time you realized you loved them.”
Suddenly, I wasn’t posing—I was remembering. My shoulders dropped. My expression softened.
That photograph now hangs in our hallway. It is the most honest image of me that exists.
The Mindset Shifts That Actually Work
1. You’re Not the Problem — The Performance Is
The tension comes from trying to look right. When you stop performing and start being present, the images begin to feel like you.
2. Give Your Hands a Purpose
Adjust a sleeve. Hold a coffee cup. Gesture while you talk. Movement dissolves self-consciousness.
3. The 15-Minute Rule
The first fifteen minutes feel strange. By minute sixteen, you forget the camera exists. That’s when the real portraits happen.
4. Talk — Don’t Pose
I don’t direct angles. I ask questions. When your mind engages, your body follows.
5. Your “Flaws” Are Landmarks
Scars, asymmetry, laugh lines— these are not imperfections. They are proof of life.
Why This Matters
Sonder is the realization that every person carries a life as complex and vivid as your own. That philosophy shapes every portrait I make.
I’m not documenting what you look like. I’m capturing the accumulation of moments that made you.
What This Looks Like in Practice
My job isn’t to make you model. It’s to create enough space for you to forget the camera exists.
We’ll walk. We’ll talk. I’ll probably trip over something. And when you laugh—that’s the photograph.
If you’re in the Bay Area and want portraits that feel like you, not a performance of you, I understand.
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